white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
