Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
