My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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