Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
