Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
