I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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