Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize