Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
