I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize