1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
