____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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