Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
