I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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