Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
