I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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