someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
