"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
