I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
