How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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