U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
