and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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