doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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