i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
