I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
