I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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