some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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