Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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