I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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