Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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