dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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