I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
