New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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