The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
