I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize