I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
