I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
