Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
