did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
