Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize