the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
