im six kinds of drunk right now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
