she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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