I'm drive I can fine osifer
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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