At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
