woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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