i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
