Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
