I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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