Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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