So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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