I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
