I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
