My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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