I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
