I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
