my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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