Where is the hickey?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize