i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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