i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize