I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
