the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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