I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i already hear my dad disowning me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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