My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Actions speak louder than pants.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
