There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
