Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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