thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
