I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
