a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
