Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
