I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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