Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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